May 132014




My taste in porn began with Traci Lords: some anonymous friend of mine happened to show me her old stuff. You know, the stuff she did before she could legally do such things. And I was amazed. Here was a very hot woman authentically enjoying sex on film. It was a revelation, and I keep searching for those magic moments in porn to this day.

My point about this story is that if you are going to watch someone teach you how to rhythmically thrust your hips, it should be Traci Lords. The rapping is just some added unintentional comedy, and can be muted for this video’s full effect.


Apr 212014



I love Iggy Azalea. Now that Amber Rose is off doing mommy things, Iggy has become my #1 fantasy threesome partner. Iggy looks like a model but sounds like hood rat. She comes from a small town in the middle of nowhere but has made a significant life for herself. She has a solid grasp on what “art” should consist of. And she’s got an authentic juicy ass…. what’s not to like?

In the video above, she describes how she could “Change Your Life” for some man. Sort of similar Beyonce’s “Upgrade U”, but with some real feminism (not Beyonce’s post-Beauty Queen fake ish)

Which I think is an interesting concept. Is society ready for women to play the dominant, historically male role in a relationship? Is any given male out there prepared to have his life elevated by a woman? I would think that there are a few who might think that the financial aspect of that concept could be fun, but would they have a strong enough sense of self and self-esteem to handle the reality? I just don’t know. But Iggy has given me hope that it’s coming by putting the concept into her music.

Now if I could just get into her pants…..



Apr 092014


Isn’t it cute? All pink and perky!

Demi is also cute, but is here to give us a lesson in regrettable tattoos. The one on her rib cage should read “You make me beautiful”, but I’ll I’m getting is “chainsaw blade chopping off bird wings”. There also appears to be some birds on her arm, trying to get away from the chainsaw blade.  If Demi’s tattoos have taught me anything, it’s that if you can’t identify what a tattoo is in a mirror a couple of feet away while taking a selfie of your boobs, then you probably shouldn’t get it. Girls, please test this out at home before getting your ink done! A little bit of foresight will definitely elevate your nude selfie game!

Nov 252012

A friend mentioned that she had seen a band called “Glittersnatch”; by the time I remembered to Google them, they had turned into “Glitter Twat” in my head.

So what was the first thing that popped up in my browser?  None other than a delicate flower bathed pussy glitter,  who should clearly be teaching a master’s class on taking slut pictures for the internet.

Lets break down her technique: 1. put on your best “slut” fupa charm, 2. pancake on a layer of glitter over your shaven snatch, 3. poof your labia up as far as it’ll go with a pink pussy pump, then 4. snap, snap away.

Her demonstration proves to me that anyone can be an elegant porn angel, even a BBW with questionable shaving techniques.

You can see the entire photo shoot here

Nov 182012

There was a time in the 90’s when Helen Hunt was considered a hottie; when naked pictures of Helen Hunt would have raised quite a stir and caused lots of jizz to be spilled (around 1996 or so).

So for today’s edition of “Better Late Than Never”, I present naked pictures of Helen Hunt, taken from an upcoming film in which she plays a sex surrogate (called “The Sessions”).


Mar 052012

Olivia Munn hasn’t really done it for me in the past, because she seems like a wicked slut (which I like) who pretends to be a good wholesome girl (I don’t appreciate the ruse, Ma’am). However, if these photos are really her, then I might be able to muster up some appreciation. Better yet, if she’s the little minx who wrote all of those dirty captions on her pictures below, then I might respect her enough to put her in my “girls I would fuck” category. Especially since she seems to be begging to be choked, spanked, and then fucked deep in her ass and pussy. Of course, that could just be the overactive imagination of some desperate fanboy, but I choose to believe it’s all Olivia…

Feb 222012


So by now we should all know that Rihanna decided to allow her abusive ex-ragemonster to collaborate on her “Cake” remix. There are also rumors of them hooking up again. There’s really only one explanation that makes sense to me: Rihanna is Dickmatized!

I can’t fault her for “Birthday Cake”. It’s a catchy tune about juicy ass, and the rageosaurus rex doesn’t completely fuck it up.

I can, however, fault her for her poor taste in men and dick. Maybe her taste in neanderthals comes from growing up on an island where the men still live in the stone age (trust me, this happens). That’s still no excuse for accepting less than perfect dick, especially when you’re a rock star. We’ve all seen the dick in question, and it’s not anything to write home about. Maybe if it were significantly thicker, uncircumcised, and also attached to a nicer boy, then it might be worthy of dickmatization. As it stands, the length potentially makes it worthy of one test drive, but certainly not if a beat-down were included.

I can only hope that Rihanna finds some worthy dick for that cake cake cake cake…..

Feb 212012


How I love the hot bitches of pole dancing!

I also love the hot bitches of raunchy burlesque, but that’s just something that needs to be experienced in person (shout out to the White Horse, Ooo Ooo!). I’m also not finding any hot burlesque on the web today, so back to my other love :women who can wrap their legs around their head while somehow still holding onto a pole 5 feet in the air…




Dec 152011


Today’s Porn Scene Of The Day features a nerdy little brunette slut fucking grampa. So it’s got a little something for everyone. I like how she fingers her ass to feel that geriatric cock grinding into her pussy….

The video is here

Pictures are here

Dec 032011


Today’s Porn Scene Of The Day is a hot anal scene featuring Kristina Rose and Manuel Ferrara.

Even though Kristina is a member of the itty-bitty-titty-committee, she is a hot little white slut who seems genuinely into her scenes. I appreciate the fact that she can rock the porn scene without getting breast implants. Mostly though, I just enjoyed the look on her face as Manuel slowly opened up her anal rosebud with his thick white cock. I’m easy like that.

You can enjoy the video with me here