May 132014




My taste in porn began with Traci Lords: some anonymous friend of mine happened to show me her old stuff. You know, the stuff she did before she could legally do such things. And I was amazed. Here was a very hot woman authentically enjoying sex on film. It was a revelation, and I keep searching for those magic moments in porn to this day.

My point about this story is that if you are going to watch someone teach you how to rhythmically thrust your hips, it should be Traci Lords. The rapping is just some added unintentional comedy, and can be muted for this video’s full effect.


Apr 092014


Isn’t it cute? All pink and perky!

Demi is also cute, but is here to give us a lesson in regrettable tattoos. The one on her rib cage should read “You make me beautiful”, but I’ll I’m getting is “chainsaw blade chopping off bird wings”. There also appears to be some birds on her arm, trying to get away from the chainsaw blade.  If Demi’s tattoos have taught me anything, it’s that if you can’t identify what a tattoo is in a mirror a couple of feet away while taking a selfie of your boobs, then you probably shouldn’t get it. Girls, please test this out at home before getting your ink done! A little bit of foresight will definitely elevate your nude selfie game!

Jan 222014


 Miley Cyrus needs to step back and take notes while a deeply seasoned ho owns her song and video in ways she never could.

The raw sexiness! The palpable emotion! The tangible vulnerability! The little white panties hiding the national treasure within! 

 Ron Jeremy needs to start working on his visual album, ASAP. Beyonce, who?

Dec 182013

Beyonce Ass 1


We should all bow down now that Beyonce has deigned to serve us a healthy helping of her (toned, tightened, and slightly CGI’ed) ass. Despite all of the delays in her album, Beyonce must have realized that 2013 was the Year of the Ass, and like all things Bey, she had to take what everyone else had done and make it her own, striking while the iron (ass) is hot.

So while the critics and Bey-lovers are going on about how this self-titled album is her best to date, I’ll go out on a limb and tell you that while the visuals are hot, the music is mostly mediocre. The best song on the visual album is “Yonce”, which is only 2 minutes long and unfortunately hasn’t made it to the audio version so far (just video).

But still, a nice ass should be appreciated, so enjoy!

beyonce ass 2

Dec 162013

dylansprouse1 dylansprouse2

Shown here pulling a page from the “how to transition from Disney child star to adult actor” playbook, Dylan Sprouse is giving us some side cock and scrotum cupping realness, just like his publicist told him. Slutty, yet not nonredeemable. Twinky, yet still sort of wholesome for the teenage girl fan base. I guess if I were 16 I might hit it. These days it more like “show me your erect cock and I’ll think about it”.

Jun 202013

There’s usually a discrepancy between how a person sounds and the way they look.

Iggy Azalea takes that to the extreme, in only the best way possible:



I may be a little late to the fan club, but I think I’m in love.



Oh, and miss Miley Cyrus: Iggy wore that sheer swimsuit with the palm tree nipple covers that you rock in your “We Can’t Stop” video first, and better, I might add:



Nov 262012

These Hotties are showing us the proper way to pose for a picture: purse your lips as high as they go and give us your best Hot Bitch face. Show the world that you’re a hottie AND a slut. Even Miley Cyrus puffs her lips like a duck for pictures, and she’s one of the taste makers for her generation.

This is a phenomenon that’s not going away, so we all better start appreciating the duck-face.

You can see more duck-faced Hotties here

Nov 182012

There was a time in the 90’s when Helen Hunt was considered a hottie; when naked pictures of Helen Hunt would have raised quite a stir and caused lots of jizz to be spilled (around 1996 or so).

So for today’s edition of “Better Late Than Never”, I present naked pictures of Helen Hunt, taken from an upcoming film in which she plays a sex surrogate (called “The Sessions”).


Oct 062012


If we went through my list of celebrities I’d like to see fuck, Hulk Hogan would not be at the top of the list. If fact, Hulk Hogan would likely not appear on the list at all. But that’s the thing about celebrity sex tapes: once they exist, they must be watched. So in keeping with our society’s fascination with all things train wreck, I’m posting the “highlights” of Hulk Hogan’s sex tape.

And now that I’ve watched Hulk give some trick a piece of his summer sausage roll, I have to admit that I might actually hit it. Yes, he’s a leathery old bag of douchiness that probably smells of spray tan, peroxide and bengay, and yes, it’s pretty creepy that he feels the need to talk about his son during sex and check his cell phone when his daughter’s ring tone  comes on, but his dick seems OK and he can fuck for 30 minutes on a full stomach, so it might be worth a try.

Mar 052012

Olivia Munn hasn’t really done it for me in the past, because she seems like a wicked slut (which I like) who pretends to be a good wholesome girl (I don’t appreciate the ruse, Ma’am). However, if these photos are really her, then I might be able to muster up some appreciation. Better yet, if she’s the little minx who wrote all of those dirty captions on her pictures below, then I might respect her enough to put her in my “girls I would fuck” category. Especially since she seems to be begging to be choked, spanked, and then fucked deep in her ass and pussy. Of course, that could just be the overactive imagination of some desperate fanboy, but I choose to believe it’s all Olivia…