What is with these male celebrities that can’t take a dick picture to save their life? It’s not a difficult thing to do; there’s really only one rule to follow for a good dick pic: make sure the dick is hard before you take the picture. I’m totally over the semi-erect pictures that keep coming out (a chubbed up dick is not an erect dick). I’m almost to the point where I’d rather not see dick than see limp dick (almost).
I think some guys mistakenly think that if they’re only partially erect, people will assume they’re a grower and that there’s a lot more dick to come. I don’t fall for that ol’ okey doke. When I see a limp dick pic (usually when I’m trolling for big dick on a dating site), this is what goes through my mind:
- That dick doesn’t ever get totally hard (it stays soft even when fully erect and is not worth my time)
- There’s an impotence issue going on (totally not worth my time)
- The guy is too lazy to make the effort to get fully erect before taking the picture (a selfish lover and not worth my time)
Are you sensing a theme here? If not, let me spell it out: limp dick is not worth my time!!
Lets review the recent offenders, shall we?
First, there’s Tito Ortiz (above). The smile and rock hard abs are very nice, but then the limp dick catches your attention and all is lost. Yes, it’s nicely groomed. And yes, it looks like it MIGHT have potential, but I’m still not hooking up with it until I see it fully erect (but call me immediately if the head is anywhere near his belly button).
Next, there’s Chris Brown. Now we all know that he’s a total douche, but let’s put that aside for now and just examine the goods, shall we?
Hmmm.. thin with a little tip. Nothing to write home to mom about. I’m even going to venture a guess that it’s not impressive fully erect either, if it even gets fully erect (anger issues and impotence issues seem to go hand in hand).
Then there’s Jamie Foxx:
Like Tito, Jamie has a nice body and a penis that looks like it has potential. I want to like it just because it could be Big Black Cock. But again, it’s limp. I think the problem here is that male celebrities don’t have to work to get laid. The women (and/or men) who receive these photos are just so excited about the potential of fucking a celebrity that they throw all of their hard-earned digital-age sex partner selection skills right out of the window. Male celebrities don’t even have to try to get laid, so they’ve never learned how to take a proper cock pic.
In fact, the only famous person that’s sent out a semi-decent dick pic is the politician Anthony Weiner. Yes, it’s covered with cloth. But notice how it’s erect and you can see a fat cock head ridge? This alone makes it far more appealing then any of the other dick pics I’ve posted above. Makes you want to chew those manties right off and suck that cock. But then you get to the face pic and you have second thoughts….