May 132014




My taste in porn began with Traci Lords: some anonymous friend of mine happened to show me her old stuff. You know, the stuff she did before she could legally do such things. And I was amazed. Here was a very hot woman authentically enjoying sex on film. It was a revelation, and I keep searching for those magic moments in porn to this day.

My point about this story is that if you are going to watch someone teach you how to rhythmically thrust your hips, it should be Traci Lords. The rapping is just some added unintentional comedy, and can be muted for this video’s full effect.


May 022014


The life of a sugar baby should be pretty easy: look hot, service your sugar parent, collect your earnings, keep your mouth shut and be happy with your lot in life. But enter V. Stiviano. She’s a hot 30-something year old multiracial woman who’s been fucking a billionaire. One might think that fucking a billionaire is the highest a sugar baby can climb on the social ladder, but not for V. Stiviano. She just became a modern day Rosa Parks by publicly proving what many already knew: her billionaire trick is a racist.

Now many of you will try to dismiss V. as a hero, saying that she’s a gold digger, or only did it to sell copies of her book or blackmail her trick. And while may be true that V. had ulterior motives, ultimately who cares? Does anyone currently care whether Rosa Parks  wanted to be a hero, or whether she just didn’t want to get out of her seat? Does who you are make your actions any less nobel? I think not, so get that money, V.! And fuck your fair-weather friend who calls you out on how you’ve treated your sugar daddy (but publishing books calling out the rappers you’ve fucked is OK?). V. had the balls to show the world that no one should be able to get away with being a racist asshole, not even a billionaire!

So lets raise a toast to Ms. Stiviano. I look forward to learning more about her, and potentially reading her book. Hopefully she fares well through the upcoming/ongoing lawsuits and slander, and continues to hold her head high with the confidence that she’s significantly contributed to our society!

Apr 232014

hydrogen peroxide

Fabric blood removal instructions (OK, this should be easy):

  • sheets: hydrogen peroxide
  • towels: hydrogen peroxide
  • panties: hydrogen peroxide
  • car seats: hydrogen peroxide
  • carpeting: hydrogen peroxide
  • etc.

Apply hydrogen peroxide to blood (even if dry and/or old), let it bubble, repeat as necessary.

Any Questions?  😉

Apr 212014



I love Iggy Azalea. Now that Amber Rose is off doing mommy things, Iggy has become my #1 fantasy threesome partner. Iggy looks like a model but sounds like hood rat. She comes from a small town in the middle of nowhere but has made a significant life for herself. She has a solid grasp on what “art” should consist of. And she’s got an authentic juicy ass…. what’s not to like?

In the video above, she describes how she could “Change Your Life” for some man. Sort of similar Beyonce’s “Upgrade U”, but with some real feminism (not Beyonce’s post-Beauty Queen fake ish)

Which I think is an interesting concept. Is society ready for women to play the dominant, historically male role in a relationship? Is any given male out there prepared to have his life elevated by a woman? I would think that there are a few who might think that the financial aspect of that concept could be fun, but would they have a strong enough sense of self and self-esteem to handle the reality? I just don’t know. But Iggy has given me hope that it’s coming by putting the concept into her music.

Now if I could just get into her pants…..



Apr 122014



I don’t get sentimental often. In fact, if I I’ve told you that I love you, I can count all of you on one hand. You also know I’ve fucked WAY more of you than that (and that I love big dick)!

But who better to sum up all of my loves than the break-out star of RuPaul’s Drag Race: Willam Belli, himself! Willam breaks down Selena’s song in ways Selena can only dream about (both the song and the dick she’s currently riding). Here are a few of my favorite lyrics:

no shade, no tea
i’m a size queen looking for 23 (centimeters!)
want your whole enchilada inside of me (whoa, too spicy!)
with no queso please
dick cheese makes me wheeze
and i also like BBC:

Big Black Cock please
if you don’t get down
brothers gather round (c’mere!)
what can [brown] do for you, fuck me boo, hell bring your crew
so fun, let me spit my gum

I, I love you like a big schlong baby
I, I love you like a big schlong baby (oh, it’s gonna hurt!)
I, I love you like a big schlong baby
and i keep makin’ it skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet

(don’t be rounding’ up!)

Apr 112014


Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) is pretty yucky: it is the most common vaginal infection, and can effect over 50% of the female population at any given time, causing a nasty fishy odor and some weird discharge.

It’s not always caused by sex. Not all of the causes are known, but it’s basically an overgrowth of “bad” bacteria in a vagina. I’ve suffered from BV once or twice in my life, and I personally think it has everything to do with what hormones I’m producing at any given time in my cycle. Also, leaving cum and using lubricants in my vagina can cause BV symptoms for me (more goodies for bacteria to eat!).

If you’ve had BV and treated it via standard US medicine protocols, you know it can cause a vicious cycle: the antibiotics given to treat BV kill all the bacteria in your vagina (including the “good” ones), leading to a yeast infection. Then, when you treat the yeast infection, the BV returns. And repeat.

The CDC suggests the  following basic prevention steps to lower your risk of developing BV:

  • Not having sex;
  • Limiting your number of sex partners

To which I say: NOT FUCKING LIKELY! This is not a workable solution, so there must be another way!

Many of the home remedies to treat BV involve probiotics, and include putting yogurt and whole capsules of Acidophilus in your vagina. I’ve tried these solutions, and I don’t recommend the yogurt. The whole Acidophilus capsules also don’t dissolve in a vagina well, and can still be there a day or two later. Not good. So I recommend the following:

  • Buy Acidophlus/probiotic tablets with the least amount of fillers and additives that you can find
  • Crush a tablet up into powder
  • Dampen your fingertip to get a good coating of probiotic powder on it
  • Stick that finger in your pussy and work it around, Girl!
  • Repeat as necessary

The best part of this method is that it doesn’t inhibit your sexual activities. In fact, getting dick will just help to work that probiotic around into places that you can’t reach with a finger. Once it’s up in there. sleep on it, and your fishy odor should improve by morning. Wash your vagina and repeat as necessary (wash with water, not douche). This method also works with minor yeast infections. However, if you aren’t getting the results you need, please see a doctor! Pussies are important, and should be treated as a health priority. Good luck!

Apr 092014


Isn’t it cute? All pink and perky!

Demi is also cute, but is here to give us a lesson in regrettable tattoos. The one on her rib cage should read “You make me beautiful”, but I’ll I’m getting is “chainsaw blade chopping off bird wings”. There also appears to be some birds on her arm, trying to get away from the chainsaw blade.  If Demi’s tattoos have taught me anything, it’s that if you can’t identify what a tattoo is in a mirror a couple of feet away while taking a selfie of your boobs, then you probably shouldn’t get it. Girls, please test this out at home before getting your ink done! A little bit of foresight will definitely elevate your nude selfie game!

Jan 222014


 Miley Cyrus needs to step back and take notes while a deeply seasoned ho owns her song and video in ways she never could.

The raw sexiness! The palpable emotion! The tangible vulnerability! The little white panties hiding the national treasure within! 

 Ron Jeremy needs to start working on his visual album, ASAP. Beyonce, who?

Dec 182013

Beyonce Ass 1


We should all bow down now that Beyonce has deigned to serve us a healthy helping of her (toned, tightened, and slightly CGI’ed) ass. Despite all of the delays in her album, Beyonce must have realized that 2013 was the Year of the Ass, and like all things Bey, she had to take what everyone else had done and make it her own, striking while the iron (ass) is hot.

So while the critics and Bey-lovers are going on about how this self-titled album is her best to date, I’ll go out on a limb and tell you that while the visuals are hot, the music is mostly mediocre. The best song on the visual album is “Yonce”, which is only 2 minutes long and unfortunately hasn’t made it to the audio version so far (just video).

But still, a nice ass should be appreciated, so enjoy!

beyonce ass 2